Oi !

It’s Nikki here – Betta Cream Buster extraordinaire.

I’ve just been chatting to your good mate and boy, did they have some juicy news for me!

They’ve just let me in on the fact that you’re not
whipping up
indulging in
covering your significant other in
our delicious Tasmanian Betta Cream.

Didn’t you wonder why
food gets left on the plate?
the tips were down at the restaurant?
your food doesn't get many compliments?

And why is it? Because
you’re a bit tight!
you like to punish yourself!
you're attracted to generic cream like a bug at a light globe!

Why compromise on something that’s going to bring
the kids
customers
your best mate’s mum
back time and time again?

Our success in exposing users of crappy cream has been well documented in the media recently. Why risk embarrassment in front of the whole state? I will come around and make your life hell.

"So what?" I hear you asking "generic cream’s still better than Nuttelex on a Cruskit".

Well, no… it’s not. Just ask my nanna. She might dye her hair purple and wear parachute tracksuits with pearls - but she’s still got more taste than you. She knows the secret to a great scone – Betta cream.

Let’s face it, no connoisseur of cream likes
a floppy dollop.
aerated whip out from a can.
pouring cream that’s a little chunky.

They’re after
a well pointed peak.
cream straight from the cow.
cream that’s as thick as my little brother.

So the next time you’re sitting down sucking a brandy snap and wondering why it tastes like an old 'Blunnie' –  have a good long, hard think about the cream you’re buying.

Stop being a
crummy cream user.
generally poor bloke.
cream-o-phobic freak.

In order to prevent you from re-offending, we are committing your name to the Cream Offenders Register. In accordance with the Cream Protection Act 1902, we are also placing you under surveillance by the Betta Special Cream Unit. A unit will be dispatched immediately.

Buy the cream that tastes Betta… or else.
We’ve got our eye on you…

Yours sincerely,

Nikki.
Betta Special Cream Unit.